It might seem like a small victory, but I'm learning that small victories are immensely powerful and transformative when you're facing a long-term battle. Bite-sized wins to perk you up and push you on, whereas the 'big picture' right now can simply feel too overwhelming to deal with
This morning I’m attempting to learn how to give myself my daily G-CSF injections (under the careful tutorage of Dr Tracie Miles, sharps extraordinaire). As someone with a phobia of needles, even looking at the damn thing is making me wobbly! But it’s way worse for the orange...
What I am getting my knickers in a twist about that I am constantly wracked with a festering combination of guilt, frustration and resentment about the level of work I have to put in to helping others navigate my current situation. The seemingly endless placating and stroking of bruised feelings. How much of my currently very limited energy, emotion and willpower I'm expending on this shitty game of 4D top trumps that I'd rather be putting into oh, I don't know, literally anything else right now.
Let's start with a game of 'what's currently happening to Ceri's body', shall we? I even have some photos for you.
Yesterday was quite an exciting (and very tiring!) day, because I had the pleasure of being filmed for a Macmillan advert - fancy or what?!
I promised I wouldn't shy away from the rougher bits of this cancer situation, and so I'm not. I know that I wanted to see what I had in store at the start of the diagnosis, so I'm hoping this will help others. But please be gentle with this one, because I'm feeling very vulnerable about posting these pictures.
I've not updated, or at least not properly, since I was admitted to hospital on Sunday with neutropenic sepsis. I've been taking my time processing the whole experience. It made the whole situation feel very real, and is actually the first time it hit home that I might actually die from all of this.
It's one in the morning, and as I sit here during my second night as an emergency in-patient at my local hospital, I'm smiling. No, they haven't given me some of the strong, 'fun' meds. I'm grinning simply because I'm feeling so incredibly lucky.
Just a quick one today because, as you may have seen on my social media accounts, I've been admitted to hospital with neutropenic sepsis. Ah damn - but more on that later in a heftier post. I wanted to take a moment to give a shout out to my lovely Mum. She doesn't like to... Continue Reading →
Today I broke down. I continue to sob as I write this. Sometimes I feel like my mind is renting a small square footage of my body. It has become communal property. Some of the tenants are part of a cooperative to keep it in good condition. Some are saboteurs. But everyone has a say. I want my body back.